Hung Like Huang

November 8, 2007

3

Filed under: News, TV, Movies, Celebrity — Eric @ 7:42 pm

STRIKE2

Hopefully, most of you who watch television are aware of the writers strikes that have been going on. Tons of shows have been affected. To name a few: The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Lost, The Office, 24, the late nights (Connan, Leno, Letterman, etc.),Desperate Housewives, SNL, Scrubs.

Depending on how long these strikes go on for, it can be weeks to months before we ever get to see new episodes of our favorite shows. “Awww…but from where will I get my worldly view of current events (with a sarcastic twist), if I can’t watch John Stewart make faces while he squirms in his chair?” Thankfully, most movie studios have loads of unread scripts stacked in their closets, meaning they can pump out tired storylines for the next year or two. Yay!

If you’re still lost about what’s going on, I’ll give you the lowdown. Essentially, writers want to get paid for what they write. With the emergence of the internet and webcasts of tv programs, along with the staggering growth of DVD sales, writer’s are shutout from making a single cent on what is being deemed “new technology,” the internet and to a different degree, DVDs (the DVD demands are to better the poor, barely livable residuals that writers get now). But watch or download—the legal way, of course—any episode or season of your favorite show, and you come to find that it’s not free of advertisement or (monetary) cost to those that watch.

Still lost? John Stewart can pragmatically explain:

If the AMPTP remains steadfast in their reluctance to meet the writers’ demands, they’re looking at losing hundreds of millions of dollars in a very short time. For my television craving’s sake, let’s hope the strike doesn’t bleed into ‘08.

WGASTRIKE1

April 9, 2007

Jackie Chan wants you, dancing weenies!

Filed under: News, TV, Movies, Humor, Celebrity — Eric @ 10:41 pm

It appears Jackie Chan is starting his very own Chinese TV reality show. The theme? You guessed it, finding the next action movie hero. Titled the Disciple, Chan has already stated the criteria that he’s looking for:

A lot of actors are good at fighting but (their style) is not beautiful, if you can incorporate dance with an ability to perform kung fu, that would be better.

I’ve come up with some better titles for the show.

So You Theenk-ah You Can Da-ance-ah, AND Speakah Boroken Engrish?

[Unintenligible] (Instead of the title appearing at the beginning of every episode, Jackie Chan will just scream it. Not one word will be understood.)

The Real Housewives of Orange County

Chinese Eye for the Round Eye

So on and so forth…

Chan

No, Jackie Chan, you did that a long time ago.

Source

April 5, 2007

The 1 Second Film

Filed under: News, Movies, Humor, Celebrity — Eric @ 6:16 pm

Heard of it? Interested in being credited as a producer? Do you have a dollar? If yes, then, what are waiting for?

The gist: A collaborative effort whose sole mean is to raise money for the Global Fund for Women under the guise of movie making. Meaning, your donation will give something back in return (other than that warm feeling you get when you give bums on the street change for “food”): A production credit that will put your name as “producer” in the IMDB. A myriad of celebrities have become producers, so we should totally follow suite. Maybe some of their artistic talent will rub off on us. Maybe.

As for the film? Well, there will be a film, but, like the title denotes, it will actually only be 1 second in length, 24 frames of animation, to be exact, followed by 90 minutes of credits. Now that’s fucking genius!

Here’s a video of Stephen Colbert legitimizing the project, so that IMDB would grant the producer credits to everyone that payed their $1:

Here’s another one, which includes the Colbert clip you just saw plus Pierce Brosnan, Steve Buscemi, Bob Odenkirk, Kevin Bacon, Tom Arnold, and Richard Edson.

February 23, 2007

Battles of the Century

Filed under: TV, Movies, Humor, Celebrity — Eric @ 4:04 am

Everybody knows that most celebrities have a TV character based off of their likeness. Either that, or Hollywood has a machine capable of producing cartoon characters in the form of humans. The latter is the most likely possibility, if I use logic and my fundamental Christian beliefs. So have you ever thought about what would happen if both worlds converged? Battles of epic proportions, that’s what.

It would probably be one big Don King involucred pay-per-view event, at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Michael Buffer would be announcing, no doubt. Luckily for us, it would be spliced into 10 minute segments on YouTube, and with hilarious dissections on YouTubeRoast, within minutes of the event.

Fight 1: Zorak (Space Ghost) vs. Larry King
Zorak-SpaceGhost

VS.

LarryKing

Fight 2: The Headless Horsemen (avec head) vs. Britney Spears (sans hair)
Walken

VS.

CrazySpears

Fight 3: Jabba the Hut vs. Rosie O’donnell
JabbatheHut

VS.

Odonnell2

Fight 4: Peter Pan vs. Michael Jackson

peterpan2
VS.

MikeAndKids

Fight 5: Skeletor vs. Cameron Diaz

skeletor

VS.

cdiaz

Fight 6: Doug Heffernan (The King of Queens) vs. Kevin James

kingofqueens

VS.

kevinjames

Fight 7: To be continued…

January 28, 2007

Straight to Video Sequels

Filed under: Movies, Humor — Eric @ 4:18 am

The Titanic 2: Undersea Adventures

To Kill a Mockingbird, Again!: A Closer Look at SARS

Braveheart II: The Fall of Zion

The Seventh Sense: The Penis as an Extrasensory Organ

Amores Gatos: Like Amores Perros, but with Gatos

King Kong Jr.: You Must Have Missed the Ann Darrow Rape Scene

Schindler’s Other List: Grocery Shopping Has Never Been More Depressing

Two Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest: Jim Carey as You’ve Never Seen Him Before

The Pianist’s Piano: There’s More to the Story Than Meets the Eye(-vory keys)

VI for Vendetta: If You Loved Natalie Portman with a Shaved Head, You’ll Love Her With Dreadlocks

This Films Is Still Not Yet Rated: An Update on the Current Status of the First

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