Hung Like Huang » Chupacabra

October 30, 2006

New Chupacabra Sighting

Filed under: Chupacabra, Fake News, Humor — Eric @ 8:45 pm

An anonymous entity sent in to us a sighting of a Chupacabra. You can check it out at the sightings page.

On a related note, Congress passed a bill today which requires the vernacular of children to substitute the use of the word “boogeyman” with Chupacabra, The Chupacabra, Chupi, The Chupi, or Sir Chomps-A-lot.

The decision comes after several years of debate and evasion of the subject. Earlier today, Majority leader Nancy Pelosy pointed out that it would be best for children to be afraid of real monsters rather than mythical monsters. Pelosy explains, “the idea of having our children deathly afraid of a non-existent monster, or boogeyperson is hogwash. As rational adults, we need to send a message to our children, in terms of reality.”

Pelosy concluded, “their fears should be predicated on actuality, and not some unsubstantiated urban legend.”

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September 28, 2006

The History of the Chupacabra (The Short Version)

Filed under: Chupacabra, Humor — Eric @ 8:05 pm

The Chupacabra is the most misunderstood of all animals. It’s history dates back to prehistoric time. In fact, scientologists across the state of California agree that the Chupacabra is responsible for the mass extinction of the dinosaurs. The Chupacabra arrived to Earth nearly 65 million years ago, via meteor. Although many scientists believe the meteor the Chupacabra used for transportation to be the one responsible for the extinction of dinosaurs, they are in fact incorrect. The Chupacabra arrived with a hunger comparable to that of an Ethiopian. Shortly after feasting opon millions of gillions of dinosaurs, the Chupa, a hermaphroditical asexual reproducer, decided that it was time to start a Chupi-family. After years of making love to itself, the Chupa was successful and withing a few seconds, a whole herd of Chupis was birthed from the Chupa’s third dorsal fin.

The first known, documented sightings of a Chupacabra family, or pride, out of its habitat (the rural area of what is now known as Compton) was in the early 1400’s. During this time, the Chupa ran out of dinosaurs to eat. To supplement the growing hunger, and growing number of Chupi-cubs, the Chupa decided that it was time to let its presences be known among humans, whom they have allowed to live along side them, unknowingly symbiotic— Chupacabra urine acted as a catalyst for the evolution of man from lower primates, after the Chupacabras found it amusing to stand atop trees and squat over the apes and let their pee rain onto them. In fact, this golden shower, of sorts, is the reason many ancient cultures started rain dancing. For years to come Chupacabra feces would become an enriching, vital food for humans; and humans, would continue to be the most humorous of all animals, to the Chupa.

So, in 1409, with its presence known throughout Europe, a conference of the Roman Catholic Church, known as the Council of Pisa, was called into order to discuss many discerning issues, among them, the Western Schism, which was caused by the Chupacabra. Many Chupa fearing Catholics decided that it was in their best interest to appoint their newfound God as Pope of the Catholic Church. Much upheaval resulted. The Chupa, not one to get involved with petty human issues, decided to take a long needed nap. After several years of slumber, 158 years to be exact, the Chupi was awakened by what is now known to be its mortal enemy, the cow udder. Nobody knows the reasons why the Chupacabra instantaneously implodes when in the presence of cow udders. However, since the awakening, they have made their presence felt in South America, Mexico… and Compton.