Alright Already…
What happens when readers of the blog get tired of waiting around for updates? They write their own posts. Then they email ‘em to you.
This one sat in my inbox for a few days, until its recent discovery:
Subject:English Language Observation
I was thinking some thoughts the other day (well, today but “the other day” sounds more story-esque). Anywhozer, I was pondering one of the English language’s strangest phenomena. IT is one word, but it is a word that could change your life.
Haunches.
Now, I don’t know about you (except from what I know from your blogs) but to me, haunches serves only one purpose: For rabbits to sit on. Rabbits sit on their haunches. Have you ever heard haunches used in ANY other context? NO! There is no other context. Haunches are rabbits’ chairs. I have a theory on this. It’s all an anti-thumb conspiracy. Now before you dismiss this as utter tomfoolery (that doesn’t fit the context, but it sounds good so I’m using it, dammit!), hear me out. What are haunches really? Hind legs! Not just any legs. Legs of the hind variety. Having “hind” legs implies that you also have front legs. If you have hind legs and front legs, do you have arms? No. If you have no arms, do you have hands? No. And if you have no hands and you have no arms, what can you also not have? THUMBS! Those sly rabbits are using this “haunches” bull crap to hid the fact that they are inferior to the thumbed species. So please, speak with your local librarian or other word official and promptly tell them the “Haunches Conspiracy” and bitch-slap their kidneys if they argue. You will be doing the right thing.
Your
number 20.. wait…20 is too low. I need something higher, but that makes me sound pompous. Scratch that 20 stuff.
Your not
quite the best, but still high up there fan,
Kevin
So, if you feel like the blog is missing something, email your suggestion to me so that I can not read it for the next, lets say, three months.
