The Snow Slug
Before I start this post, I wan’t to take a second, because he at least deserves that much, and partially pay tribute to a great man. Joseph Barbera died today, which is a total bummer. If you never watched Scooby-doo, the Flintstones, or the Jetsons, (who the hell didn’t grow up watching cartoons from the 60’s?) you are missing out on really great cartoons. The former, particularly, strikes a nerve with me. Teaching kids skepticism is one of the best and most important things that can be done, even if through cartoons. Let’s all reminisce a little and click here, here or here.
So it’s been a little while since the site was last updated, and everyone has been very patient. Alas, yearn no more! I’ve been really busy with hating school and being a bum that I haven’t been able to reprieve you from your wretchedly boring lives. That’s all about to change. You see, for the next few weeks, I will be documenting any and all banal minutia that comes my way. Hooray!
So, let me kick it off with last night’s occurrence atop a snowy mountain side, which can only be described as euphoric and confusing at best. And let me tell you, I’ve never been both (euphoric and confused) at the same time, so I may not have even been either. And another thing, I wasn’t under the influence of drugs per se (Uh-uh, alcohol doesn’t count. Nope.).
The only thing that I can equate what my friend and I experienced last night is to respond to a now ubiquitous statement made popular by Dave Chappelle, and that is: Cocaine is a hell of a drug. Well, you know what? You don’t know what the fuck you are talking about. Steel Reserve is a hell of drug— a $1.05 dollar drug. Sure I’ve never tried cocaine and probably never will, but still… I know what I’m talking about. Did you ever knowingly want to fight a tree? Exactly.
There is a newfound state of inebriation that is what it is. It’s not drunk. It cannot be defined. It cannot be explained. It can only be experienced. Only through the consumption of Steel Reserve can one (and many) come to see the Snow Slug. Now I know what you may be thinking: “Eric, what the hell is a snow slug? I searched Wiki and nothing turned up. Wikipedia don’t lie.” Wrong. And Wrong again. Wikipedia raped your cat rapping dog. Who do you believe now?
I’m going to stop here in order to leave you wondering what the hell a snow slug is. That, and it wouldn’t do justice describing this majestic and noble tire dodging creature. I will, however, give you the necessary ingredients for this stew of disaster so that you may encounter the beast for yourself:
- 1 tall can or 40oz. bottle of Steel Reserve.
- A friend or two as crazy as you.
- A car and driver capable of driving up a snow cased mountain, at night.
- A t-shirt and a pair of shorts (you’ll know why after drinking the devil’s cough medicine).
I guarantee the Snow Slug to be one of the most beautiful and intriguing specimens of (hallucinogenic) nature, or my name ain’t Billy Bob Thornton.
As a scientist, I plan on undertaking further experimental endeavors with this liquid poison. Stay tuned for updates on the psychopharmacological side-effects of this, and for other non-alcohol related shenanigans.
Snow sluggishly lucid,
Eric
