Halloween Wrap-Up
Halloween. Say it again. Halloween. The word alone brings back flashbacks of the many times that you, as a snot-nosed kid, went out trick-or-treating. As you grew older, though, hopefully, you have realized that Halloween is more than just asking the neighborhood, boy hungry pedophiles for candy. Halloween is the one time of year that brings about the many realizations that rekindle your love-hate relationship with life.
So here are some things that have been learned (this year) about Halloween:
- There are a whole lot of people who hate kids. And by hate kids, I mean detest kids. And by people who hate kids, I mean people who do not hand out candy.
- Halloween really is the only time of year in which slutty girls are given free reign to do what they do best—composing the most whore-rrific ensemble possible (mainly a thong, bra, and fishnets, accompanied by bunny ears or devil horns). Surprisingly (or not), though, this is fine by me.
- Conversely, Halloween presents an occasion for all the upstanding young men to throw decency to the wind and dawn the single most offensive uniform in a random fit of rampant douche-baggery. Surprisingly (or not), though, this is NOT fine by me.
- Unlike when you were a kid, you now have a very low tolerance for candy (particularly chocolate). Also, you still hate those tiny, round, multi-colored, chalky disks that come in a tubular pack of twenty. You know the ones.
- Any and every Halloween/horror movie that you ever watched as a kid, will be on marathon mode on some cable channel. Guaranteed.
- Like any other holiday, Halloween is as good a time as any to drink alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.
- Fog machines and strobe lights still haven’t lost their novelty.
- Some people love dressing up as themselves for Halloween—mainly celebrities.
So here are some examples:
Paris Hilton as a skanky slut (navy sgt., I’m guessing).
Chris Klein as… a pizza slice…(a pizza slice, that’s what he is in real life).
Lindsay Lohan as a sluttified 80’s fashion trend/movie(Flashdance chick).
And Bill Maher as his asshole-self (dead Steve Irwin).
